Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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