May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
