Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
