oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
