Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
someone owes me an orgasm
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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