standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
