im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
