Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
