If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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