She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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