Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
