u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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