Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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