I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
