it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
