I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
sarcasm needs its own font
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
