i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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