Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
