I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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