If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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