Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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