You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
