bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
