Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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