if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
