I'm drive I can fine osifer
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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