I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am midnight drunk by noon
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
