someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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