coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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