I'm so fucking centered right now
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
