we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
