I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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