What did we do last night that was yellow?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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