Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
