Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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