fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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