I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
