ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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