idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
