Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
