dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
