I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
