Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
