I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
