i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
