Cold hands, warm shart.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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