Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
