I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
