Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
