At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
