2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You're so nebulous sometimes
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
