I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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