i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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