I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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