he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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