party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
