A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
